the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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