Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
