were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
