Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
