i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
