Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
