I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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