Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
