im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
