we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
