mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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