You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
