i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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