we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
