you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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