I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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