I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
