She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
