The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
