It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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