She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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