before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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