"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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