Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
