obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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