How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
