Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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