Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
