My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
