Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
