Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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