so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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