well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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