Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Found the puke drawer
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
