I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
