Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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