I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
