i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
