I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They left me at home... I'm a liability
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
