Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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