go do what you do best...puke behind churches
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
