i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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