I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
