why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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