Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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