Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
