**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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