grandma shit on top of the toilet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
