i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
