Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
