apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
