i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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