Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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