whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
