You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
