Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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