summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
