You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
