I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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