There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
