Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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