Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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