I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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