there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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