When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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