two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
only you would photoshop your dick
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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