Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
