Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
