this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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