she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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