Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
