Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
