I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
