those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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