How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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