I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And then he peed in my hair
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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