i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
