Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
