You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
